You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have post one night stand depression
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