God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
