corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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