I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
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It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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