so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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