Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How external is "for external use only"?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
