I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
