Christians are straight up FREAKS
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
