Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it fun? or sober?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
