she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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