i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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