Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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