the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
