They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
