I accidentally had phone sex last night
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
