u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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