I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
