You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
