i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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