it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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