I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
