You're a womanizer and a bitch.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
