If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
