You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
