Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Screwed.edu
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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