tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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