i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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