Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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