This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
