How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
