how can u be prego again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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