So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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