Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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