WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
