I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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