it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Every concussion has its silver lining
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
