Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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