I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Small penises have feelings too.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
