so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Farmville is her only friend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
