how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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