Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
