Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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