She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
