so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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