Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
