No awkward lesbian experiences without me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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