So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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