saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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