Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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