tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
