The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
