oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
