remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
