Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
