Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
