when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
