i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
