Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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