What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
