Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
