Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's never too late to be topless.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
