his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
