Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
