oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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