Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
