Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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