And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
