I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
