I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
