it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
