You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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