I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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